Friday, May 1, 2009
Looking backwards he sees how far he has come, he looks ahead and sees how far there is to come. Astonished by how little he has travelled in all these years, trembling he stepped backwards. Realising his biggest mistake he stood still, it took almost one year to take that step forwards, and in just a few weeks he had reversed his efforts, a year and a few weeks wasted by one step. He stood very still wondering what to do next, where should he step? Which is the correct way? Where should he go? Dropping on all fours tired and unmotivated he wondered what would happen next. Should he go back where he came from? or journey on into the unknown hoping it will get better. There is also the chance to stay right here, neither moving forwards or backwards, left or right. He looks at himself with incompetence, but does not pity himself, wants to move forwards but all his energy sapped, hungry, weary and sleepy, so much obstacles in the way. But even as he stood, time seeps through the gaps between his fingers as he tries to stop it flowing. It seems as if anything he does is futile. Knowing that rest, peace and joy is waiting at the end of his journey, he looks ahead helplessly, its so far and who knows how long it will take? He does not want to go through the motions he does not want to go through one more day. Just hoping that someone will come and shove him in the right direction, he looks around for that someone. Jesus save me from myself.